What do you want?


“What do you want?”

“Hmm?” I replied, my mind elsewhere.

Rays of sunlight passed through the patterned holes of my curtain, decorating the dark room with bright spots. Head resting on my pillow, I stared at the spots, sighing. I tugged at my comforter to cover my shoulder before turning to lie on my back, facing the blank ceiling. I’ve been staring at the light-spots for hours– I wanted a change of scenery.

I sighed. What was the reason of getting up and repeating everything I do everyday and going back to sleep and waking up and repeating everything again and over and over, playing this merry-go-round game called life? I sighed again.

“What do you want?”

I shrugged. “I want to wake up and not feel more tired than I did going to sleep.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to understand the meaning of life and bring joy to others.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to stop poverty and wars and sicknesses in the world.”

“What do you want?”

I rolled my eyes. “To look like a model and be able to eat everything and remain skinny, okay?”

“What do you want?” The Darkness repeated.

“To marry a rich handsome guy who loves me, so go away!” I screamed, rolling to face the wall.

“What do you want?” It asked, with the same tone, same rhythm– like a broken recorder. Maybe it would leave me alone if I gave it the answer it wanted? I tried giving the question some thought.

“I… I dont want to disappoint my parents. I want to make my family proud– proud to call me theirs. Proud to be related to me. I want them to appreciate and love me.”

I waited, and again the Darkness asked: “What do you want?”

“To make my friends feel loved and forget their pain and worries– to laugh when they’re with me?”

“What do you want?”

“I… I want to know what I want. I want to have goals in life and to reach them and be successful.”

“What do you want?” I didn’t understand what answer the Darnkess wanted.

“I want to be famous and want everyone to love me so much they’d fear to lose me– Is that the answer you want?!”

“What do you want?”

“Urgh! I want someone to hold me and promise me that everything’s going to be okay– and to make me believe they mean it!” I began to sob, “I want to have enough money to not worry about going bankrupt and have a job I love and someone who loves me and I want loving kids and to be able to smile without a reason– because if I smile for a reason, I’m scared the reason will be taken away from me! I want to be happy, okay? Happy!”

I sounded so selfish. I was crying now, but the darkness did not let go. It repeated : “What do YOU want?”

What did it want from me?! I wanted to scream my reply– to shout at it. But all I could manage was whispers in sobs.

“I dont know.. I don’t know what I want… I want… To want nothing… To disappear… To be dead– the dead want nothing, do they? They need nothing– not food, not water… not reason– Didn’t some religion say when you want nothing, you’re enlightened? Can I die now? Can I leave this world? Can I not feel tired anymore and not need to get up anymore and not repeat everything again anymore? I just… I just want to understand life… Why am I here? Why is anyone anywhere? It’s easier, isn’t it– to die? What’s the purpose of goals and success… if all that’s certain is nothingness in the end? What?”

It was silent. I waited for the Darkness, but all I recieved was silence.

“Hey?… Hey!”



And although it had been there for only minutes, I had grown fond of it– I missed its presence. How stupid of us to miss something we only just met.

Sighing, I shrugged, got out of my bed, drew open my curtains and let the sunlight in, wiping my damp eyes on my pyjamas.

I smiled.

Another broken day– another day to play my hand at the merry-go-round called life.


About Riverstardust

~Hey there! Glad we found each other :) Comment-- tell me something about you no one knows!! ;)
This entry was posted in daily prompt, dailypost, literature, short stories, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to What do you want?

  1. triSARAHtops says:

    This is brilliant πŸ™‚


  2. Anonymous says:

    damnnn girl, you write so well. Such a gripping article about human vulnerability. Nice work πŸ™‚


  3. riya says:

    damnnn girl, you write so well. Such a gripping article about human vulnerability. Nice work πŸ™‚


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