~The ability to be nervous.

Daily Prompt – Big Day Ahead.


The aroma of fresh brewed coffee filled the large but lonely kitchen. The rain pittered and pattered on the window– like it usually did. With eyes half opened, I watched as the dark clouds grew darker.

Aachen. A Malaysian once told me that this was the rainiest town in Germany.

I shrugged to myself and sipped at my coffee.

A bird flew past the window. It had porcelain wings and red eyes. I envied it– it didn`t have to worry about fame, fortune, health, education. It didn`t know how to. And no one should teach it.

I sighed. Tomorrow`s to be the first day of University life.

I used to be so nervous when I was a child– nervous at everything. Waking up to no one in the room. The darkness. Sicknesses. Homework. Strangers. Getting lost. The beginning of school after long holidays. Being alone. Being hated. Being forgotten. Exams. Failing. Death.

I wonder if it was a psychological problem– what I had. Or maybe everyone goes through that stage in their life?

But I`ve changed.

I`m not sure if it`s for the better or worst, but I just don`t care anymore. I don`t care if people on streets or in supermarkets look at me funny anymore because I walk alone. Let them think that I don`t have friends. I don`t care if no one talks to me on my first day. I`ve realized that everyone`s shy to initiate conversation. I don`t care if I don`t do well– I`ll just try harder. Will I remember it in ten years? Will anyone else care?

I sighed again. A top psychiatrist once said that sighing was a sign that a person is depressed.

Maybe it`s true. I don`t know. I don`t care. Maybe that`s why we have to die– to regain the joy of living (if ever we are reborn.) Maybe it wouldn`t be too bad to be reborn as a bird with porcelain wings.

The world, it does things to you. It sucks the life out of you slowly. It kills you. I used to want to live forever. Now, I think I`d be burdened by too much– too many memories, too many people, too many things to keep track of.

Now, I just don`t care anymore. I guess when you live long enough, you just lose the lust for life– the ability to be nervous.



About Riverstardust

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One Response to ~The ability to be nervous.

  1. Pingback: Big Day Ahead | Blogged With Words

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